I'm feeling really nonchalant about this whole process right now. I spend HOURS online looking for whatever it is I'm looking for and NO luck. I just want to start working so I won't NEED money from somewhere. It's really frustrating when you can't get the things you need or want. So right now I'm trying to stay positive. I have a solid pot date coming up Tuesday. 4k plus if "I do what daddy wants"... I hate when guys talk to me like that. But for the next few weeks, I'm swallowing my pride and just going to deal with the crap. He seems like he has the money to get me whatever I ask, but I'm focused on my allowance. Once I have that, I can seriously get my life back on track. I just need a lump sum of cash and I'm good to go.
As far as the rest of these guys I've met... None have been up to par. Most of the men I've met don't even have the income to provide what I need so what's the point of going past "the conversation"?
One main issue I'm having right now is figuring out my emotions. I wonder if I'll ever be able to have sex again with someone "just because". Sex has never been something I need and now it's something I use to get what I want. So I'm stuck trying to figure out if I'll ever be capable of a real, meaningful relationship with someone who isn't giving me something material in return. Even when I'm approached in real life, I size up the $$ first, then the rest followers. I never was this way before, but now that I consider myself a SB, that's all I think about. I don't know what love is anymore. I completely forgot what "normal" relationships even look like. I see people in public who seem to be in love, but it doesn't seem appealing to me anymore.
I know I'm young (23) so this will probably all change one day. I have time to figure this all out, but right now, money is the motive.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
A New Outlook
Sugarland hasn't given me the welcome I was expecting yet. Maybe starting on Craigslist was a bad idea. I've only met frauds, scams, selfish men, and confused individuals. No one I've met so far has followed through with actually being a SD. It's really discouraging at this point. I feel like, I'm sincere. I'm not playing games, yet everyone else is. The best part about actually doing this so far has been meeting the other babes via FB. It's a wonderful feeling to know that so many other people in the world feel the same way I do about dating. An actual support group. I've only been connected for a few days and I've already gained so much knowledge and useful advice. I'm truly thankful for the other sugar babies in the world. =)
Right now, I'm at the point of giving up. However, something inside of me (probably Mrs. Greedy) keeps telling me to keep trying. I just want to forget about the men I've met so far. I probably won't ever blog about them. It's that bad.
So here I am. Still broke. Still alone. Still searching for sugar. Hopefully my day and ideal SD will come along soon. If not, who knows what's next...
Right now, I'm at the point of giving up. However, something inside of me (probably Mrs. Greedy) keeps telling me to keep trying. I just want to forget about the men I've met so far. I probably won't ever blog about them. It's that bad.
So here I am. Still broke. Still alone. Still searching for sugar. Hopefully my day and ideal SD will come along soon. If not, who knows what's next...
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
What am I doing?
In my "normal" life, everything seems to be going as planned. I recently got a job. A well paying job and that made me question my whole SD quest. If this job is what it looks like, in a few months, I will be able to support my entire life (kids included) alone. No need for a SD right? Wrong.
I've noticed that I actually like this lifestyle. Giving him what he wants and in turn getting something I want. It sounds so simple, but it hasn't been working like that. I met a man last night. Pot he was in the beginning, but it became clear VERY SOON that he was a mistake. His mere presence made me cringe. He kept asking me what I needed and what I wanted him to do. I told him my "ideal allowance" (my expenses doubled) and he immediately told me how that was "Too much", but maybe we can "work something out". I don't work things out. Either you do it or you don't. And I will NOT barter my body. The entire night, which was mainly spent being lost in Atl and looking for an ihop, was just a mess.
Mr. India is what I'll call him, since that's where he's from. I'm starting to not like foreign men. The one's I've met have been extremely pushy, demanding, and inconsiderate. I'm not looking for an asshole, I'm looking for a sugar daddy. Anyways, Mr India insisted that we "work something out". He offered to pay ONE of my bills. I had to pick rent or cell phone. I'm not letting you have your way with me in order to get my rent paid. NO. Cell phone? NO. Then he offered to "give me a car". Sounded nice, but when I started to think about it, that's not what I wanted either. I'm a cash baby. Gifts are nice and so is travel, but there's so much more I can do on my own with cash. And that's my thing. Some women want gifts, travel, and things of that nature and that's what works for them. For me, cash works.
So meeting Mr. India opened my eyes to exactly what I need to do. I definitely need to be more up front and specific about what I want my SD to do for me. If that scares him off, then he isn't the one for me. So I won't give up, I'm just going to change my approach. And no more dinner on the first meet! I can't sit that long with a man I can't stand to look at. So from now on, he can MEET me at a coffee shop. No exceptions. Safe, public, and quick. Just what I need.
I guess I can say I'm in the "trial and error" portion of my sugar career. I'm still learning how to ask for what I want and how to figure what they want. I have the hardest time asking these types of questions though. Maybe I just need more practice or more research. I'm sure I can eventually get what I want, I just need to find him.
I've noticed that I actually like this lifestyle. Giving him what he wants and in turn getting something I want. It sounds so simple, but it hasn't been working like that. I met a man last night. Pot he was in the beginning, but it became clear VERY SOON that he was a mistake. His mere presence made me cringe. He kept asking me what I needed and what I wanted him to do. I told him my "ideal allowance" (my expenses doubled) and he immediately told me how that was "Too much", but maybe we can "work something out". I don't work things out. Either you do it or you don't. And I will NOT barter my body. The entire night, which was mainly spent being lost in Atl and looking for an ihop, was just a mess.
Mr. India is what I'll call him, since that's where he's from. I'm starting to not like foreign men. The one's I've met have been extremely pushy, demanding, and inconsiderate. I'm not looking for an asshole, I'm looking for a sugar daddy. Anyways, Mr India insisted that we "work something out". He offered to pay ONE of my bills. I had to pick rent or cell phone. I'm not letting you have your way with me in order to get my rent paid. NO. Cell phone? NO. Then he offered to "give me a car". Sounded nice, but when I started to think about it, that's not what I wanted either. I'm a cash baby. Gifts are nice and so is travel, but there's so much more I can do on my own with cash. And that's my thing. Some women want gifts, travel, and things of that nature and that's what works for them. For me, cash works.
So meeting Mr. India opened my eyes to exactly what I need to do. I definitely need to be more up front and specific about what I want my SD to do for me. If that scares him off, then he isn't the one for me. So I won't give up, I'm just going to change my approach. And no more dinner on the first meet! I can't sit that long with a man I can't stand to look at. So from now on, he can MEET me at a coffee shop. No exceptions. Safe, public, and quick. Just what I need.
I guess I can say I'm in the "trial and error" portion of my sugar career. I'm still learning how to ask for what I want and how to figure what they want. I have the hardest time asking these types of questions though. Maybe I just need more practice or more research. I'm sure I can eventually get what I want, I just need to find him.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Pot!!!
I received an email today from a man responding to an old CL ad I had. It was short and suspicious. I wanted to inquire more so I exchanged a few emails and he eventually called me. Immediately I noticed his Middle Eastern accent and thought of some disgusting perv who preys on American girls. And then I came back to Earth. He asked me about school and how much it costs. I figured that's all he wanted to pay for so I made up some number and thought about actually using that money to go. Needless to say, he wanted to meet the next morning so I agreed to breakfast. Rare, but I'm serious.
We made our plans and then my job called for me to come in at 9:30 that same morning. Job or Pot? JOB. So I rescheduled with him and we're meeting late tonight. I hate night meetings, but I want to see what this guy is all about. A full report will follow.
We made our plans and then my job called for me to come in at 9:30 that same morning. Job or Pot? JOB. So I rescheduled with him and we're meeting late tonight. I hate night meetings, but I want to see what this guy is all about. A full report will follow.
Tired of him...
He gets on my nerves, but I still talk to him. I'm always explaining myself to him and apologizing for getting angry. And he sticks around. We're like the old married sugar relationship. He was my first SD when I moved to Atlanta. I thought I knew what I was doing and didn't realize that he was a fraud. He met me late the first night in his Mercedes. Drove me to a drive-in and proved how desperate he was for sex. Thinking that sex was the way to prove my position, I slept with him on the first night. Mistake much? I felt horrible the next day. Like I had been used. He, for blog purposes, is named Mr.Officer. Mr. Officer liked to call me throughout the day just to talk. We talked on the phone for days and days. He came to see me once more, never talking about an arrangement. Like the blind little girl I was, I slept with him again and again. Just silently waiting for him to mention our deal. Well eventually I realized that he was just playing games so I flat out asked him for some cash. When I mentioned an amount, he immediately told me that "was too much". RED FLAG. NO amount is too much for the sugar daddy I need. Over time, we became like a weird couple. I told him I needed a break. Then I called him a few days later and told him I wanted him back. We haven't slept together in a while and I've already lost interest. He took me to the ER once and bought my medicine after that. Very nice gesture, but nothing since then. So I'm not giving him anything else. I don't even know why I keep him around, but for some reason, I just can't let go.
Flake!
I'm starting to think that a lot of "sugar daddies" in this city are lying. I've been on plenty of dates since I've been here, but none with any SDs. Just normal lonely guys looking for a quick hook up. I'm done with that however. I'm not giving my body to anyone else who, in my opinion, doesn't deserve it. Every woman is different and I can't say that my policy works for everyone else, so I just do me.
I was supposed to go out with a SD I meet on BP (backpage). He sounded interesting enough to actually want to meet him. But then again, anyone offering me money sounds interesting at this point. He told me to call him at 11am for lunch. I did. Then he told me to call him at 2pm. I did. Then he says he needs to reschedule for tomorrow. I won't be calling him, but if he calls me, I'll answer. I'm not into chasing men anymore. I'd rather ask my mother for money or work a regular job then beg and chase a grown man.
I recently became employed. Hopefully I start soon. I want to have a regular "legit" hustle for my life. I need something solid to fall back on. A degree barely means anything these days and these men fall through in an instant. So this job will eventually become my career. But until this starts, I need to secure a steady income. So I started looking for a SD.
The search has been harder than I thought it would be. Mainly because I'm in a city where the options are endless. I have the potential to be arm candy. With the right amount of money my hair can change, my weight can drop, my wardrobe can improve, and I can be exactly "what they want". But until then, I want a SD who's sincere enough to actually see my potential. Somewhat of an investment.
I don't really know how to "find" a SD, but I'm determined to get out there and figure it out. I know they're around me. I just need to be seen. I have so much more I want to write so I'll be back.
I was supposed to go out with a SD I meet on BP (backpage). He sounded interesting enough to actually want to meet him. But then again, anyone offering me money sounds interesting at this point. He told me to call him at 11am for lunch. I did. Then he told me to call him at 2pm. I did. Then he says he needs to reschedule for tomorrow. I won't be calling him, but if he calls me, I'll answer. I'm not into chasing men anymore. I'd rather ask my mother for money or work a regular job then beg and chase a grown man.
I recently became employed. Hopefully I start soon. I want to have a regular "legit" hustle for my life. I need something solid to fall back on. A degree barely means anything these days and these men fall through in an instant. So this job will eventually become my career. But until this starts, I need to secure a steady income. So I started looking for a SD.
The search has been harder than I thought it would be. Mainly because I'm in a city where the options are endless. I have the potential to be arm candy. With the right amount of money my hair can change, my weight can drop, my wardrobe can improve, and I can be exactly "what they want". But until then, I want a SD who's sincere enough to actually see my potential. Somewhat of an investment.
I don't really know how to "find" a SD, but I'm determined to get out there and figure it out. I know they're around me. I just need to be seen. I have so much more I want to write so I'll be back.
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